January 13th, 2026

There’s a specific kind of professional heartbreak that doesn’t get talked about enough.

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It’s not the clean break of a bad fit client or a role that runs its course. It’s the slow erosion of a relationship that once worked – where tension builds, assumptions multiply, and suddenly you’re walking on eggshells with someone you used to trust completely.

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For me, it was a long-standing working relationship with someone who had also become a friend.

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The noise started the year prior – small incidents that created distance. A misunderstood initiative. Feeling gradually excluded from projects. Moments where I felt left out, while others noticed my absence. Each incident, I told myself stories about what it meant. Each time, I chose to “keep the peace” rather than address it.

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By the time we had a complete communication breakdown several months later – one where the conversation completely fell apart, and words were said that felt impossible to move past – the relationship felt beyond repair.

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But I wasn’t willing to walk away without trying. Yes, there were professional implications, but what really mattered to me was the friendship we’d built. I could make peace with the work ending. What I couldn’t make peace with was walking away from the friendship without at least trying.
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So I did what I do: I researched. I looked for frameworks, structures, processes that could help two people navigate back to solid ground when the emotional charge is high and trust feels broken.

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What I found was fragmented. Academic conflict resolution models. Therapy-based approaches that assumed an ongoing therapeutic relationship. Corporate HR processes that felt sterile and risk-averse.

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What I didn’t find was something practical, accessible, and designed for the reality of professional relationships where both people genuinely want repair but don’t know how to get there.

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So I created it.

The Hidden Cost of Unresolved Tension

Here’s what I’ve learned through my own experience, through coaching clients on their team dynamics, and through mediating conflict in my former role as Director of People and Development:

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Unresolved relationship tension doesn’t just sit there quietly. It actively erodes three things critical to your effectiveness as a leader:

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Your Clarity:

• You make up stories about the other person’s intentions, motivations, and character
• You second-guess decisions that involve them
• Important information gets filtered or withheld because of the charged dynamic
• You can’t see situations objectively when they’re involved

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Your Capacity:

• You’re constantly processing the unresolved issue in the background (rehearsing conversations, replaying incidents, managing anxiety)
• Every interaction requires extra emotional labour to “manage” the dynamic
• You avoid collaboration, meetings, or projects that involve them – limiting your effectiveness
• The mental load of carrying unexpressed feelings drains energy that could fuel creative work

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Your Continuity:

• What could be repaired becomes irreparable
• You lose valuable team members, clients, or partnerships
• Others observe how you handle (or avoid) conflict, affecting their willingness to invest in a relationship with you
• Without repair skills, similar issues arise in other relationships, creating chronic instability

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I saw all three of these playing out in my own situation. And I’ve watched coaches struggle with the same dynamics – complaining about their team but never actually addressing the issues, letting resentment build until someone quits or gets fired.

When You Need a Clearing Conversation (Not Just Feedback)

After meeting author Liane Davey and reading her book The Good Fight, I became fascinated with the concept of productive conflict. There’s a huge difference between offering constructive feedback (which should be relatively neutral and focused on helping someone grow) and needing to repair a relationship that has accumulated emotional charge.

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You need a Clearing Conversation when…

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Internal signs:

• You’re rehearsing conversations with this person in your head
• You feel tension, dread, or heaviness when you know you’ll interact
• You’re making up stories about their intentions
• You find yourself venting about them to others repeatedly
• You’re avoiding decisions or projects that involve them

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Relational signs:

• There’s a specific incident that created a rupture neither of you has addressed
• Communication has become strained, formal, or minimal
• You used to have a good relationship, but something has shifted
• Small interactions feel loaded or tense

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Organizational signs:

• Team dynamics are suffering because of the unresolved issue
• Work is being delayed or avoided due to the tension
• Other team members are being pulled into “sides”

Is This a Clearing Conversation or Something Else?

Not every difficult situation requires this level of structure. Here’s a simple decision tree.

START HERE → Is there an emotional charge when you think about this person or situation?

→ NO CHARGE? This is standard feedback. Address it directly and calmly.

→ YES, THERE’S A CHARGE? Continue this assessment…

Is the relationship worth saving?

• NO → Focus on graceful exit
• YES → Continue

Is there a significant power imbalance?

• YES → Consider whether the person with less power feels genuinely safe to engage. You may need a skilled facilitator or HR involvement for workplace situations.
• NO/MANAGED → Continue

Has there been harm that requires accountability beyond conversation?

• YES → This may need formal intervention (HR, mediation, legal)
• NO → Continue

Are both parties willing to engage?

• NO → Work on the invitation/framing (more on this in Email 2)
• YES → Proceed with Clearing Conversation

Would a neutral third party be helpful? Consider YES if:

• Power dynamics are present but manageable
• The relationship is particularly important (key team member, major client)
• Previous attempts at direct conversation failed
• Either party would feel safer with support
• The stakes are very high

Before You Request the Conversation: Do Your Internal Work

This is the part that determines whether the clearing actually works. Before you request a clearing conversation with the other person, you must do your own preparation:

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1. Self-Reflection

• What actually happened? (Facts only, no interpretation)
• What story am I telling myself about what happened?
• What am I making this mean about me? About them?
• What emotional need of mine wasn’t met?
• Where might I be projecting my own patterns or history?

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2. Emotional Processing

(Do this BEFORE the conversation, not during)

• Find a trusted person to witness your venting (with clear confidentiality)
• Release the charge through movement, journaling, or other somatic practices
• Get to a place where you can speak about the situation without overwhelming emotion
• Note: You don’t need to be emotion-free, but you need to be emotionally regulated

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3. Clarify Your Intention

• What outcome would serve both people?
• What do I want to learn or understand?
• What do I want them to understand about me?
• Am I willing to be changed by what I hear?
• Can I release the need to be “right”?

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4. Draft Your Letter

Write out your full thoughts following this structure:

1. Data + Facts: What actually happened (observable, specific)
2. Your Emotions: How it made you feel (use basic emotions: sad, mad, scared, bad/shame, glad)
3. Your Stories/Judgments: What you made it mean (acknowledge these as your interpretations)
4. Your Responsibility: Where you may have contributed or what you regret
5. Your Request: What you’re asking for going forward

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This letter serves two purposes: it helps you organize your thoughts clearly, and you may choose to read it during the conversation to stay on track.

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For my own clearing conversation, this preparation was everything. It helped me separate facts from the stories I’d been telling myself for months. It helped me see where I’d contributed to the breakdown (choosing to “keep the peace” rather than addressing issues early). And it helped me get clear on what I actually wanted: not to be proven right, but to understand what happened and see if the relationship could be repaired.

What Happened in My Clearing Conversation

I requested the conversation using structured language. We set aside 60 minutes. I read my letter – all of it. The facts of what happened over the months. The emotions I felt. The stories I made up and what I projected onto them. The ways I contributed. What I was asking for.

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They listened. They mirrored back what they heard. They asked clarifying questions.

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Then they shared their perspective. I learned things I had misunderstood. I learned where my assumptions were wrong. They acknowledged where they went wrong. They committed to change going forward.

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We created clear agreements about our working relationship moving forward.

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Was it perfect? No. The clearing conversation created enough repair that we could collaborate effectively for a time, and it taught me invaluable lessons about structured conflict resolution.

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More importantly, it showed me that there was a real need for this framework – both in my own life and in the lives of the leaders I work with.

In my next blog, I’ll walk you through the actual clearing conversation process: how to make the request (this is often the most intimidating part), how to structure the conversation itself, and how to follow through afterward to rebuild trust.

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I’ll also share a story about a family member who used this framework to repair a 50+ year relationship with their cousin – a relationship they were ready to give up on until we worked through the framework together.

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Navigating the nuanced interpersonal dynamics that can make or break a team is part of what I bring to my Fractional Chief of Staff partnerships. I’ve managed teams of 8+ freelancers in my VA agency days, coached multiple clients through managing their EAs and VAs, and mediated conflict in my HR leadership role. The ability to repair relationships (and know when repair isn’t possible) is a skill that serves leaders at every level.

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If you’re currently navigating a relationship that feels broken – with a team member, a client, or even in your personal life – and you’re not sure how to approach repair, email me here. I’d be happy to talk through whether a clearing conversation might be the right approach or what other options might serve you better.

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Talk soon,
Moriah
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P.S. If you know a leader who’s been avoiding a difficult conversation because they don’t know how to approach it, feel free to send them this blog. Sometimes the hardest part is just knowing that structured repair is possible.